My Daughters

My husband and I married having made the decision never to have children as part of our future together.  As time went on we reviewed this decision and soon we were planning for our first child.  I loved being pregnant, it was just the birthing part I wasn't so good at.  We planned for a home birth as this was the birthing scenario we felt most comfortable with.  However, our first daughter was a little reluctant to come to the party and after a three and a half day labour finally made her appearance in hospital.  They talk about the miracle of birth and it is so true.  Words can never fully describe the feelings when your child is placed on your chest and you realise you had a huge part in creating this vision of loveliness.  Although I was exhausted I will never forget these huge blue eyes calmly looking at me as if to say what was all the fuss about.

It seemed we were destined to have only one child as it was rather difficult for me to forget the labour and I certainly wasn't keen to repeat the experience.  However, as time went by the memories diminished and about 3 years later we were planning for our second child.  This time the option of home birth was out the window and I booked into a hospital.  Of course this time the labour was relatively easy and after 24 hours my second daughter entered this world.  Suddenly my worries about how could I love this child as much as the first were gone.  As I held her in my arms I realised loving this child was easy.  Our capacity to love is infinite.  Over time I came to understand that it wasn't about loving one child more than the other, it was about loving them for who they were as individuals.

Pregnancy and labour are the easier parts of becoming a parent.  It is adapting to a parenting role and making the necessary changes in your life that are harder, but what a rewarding journey it is.  I look at my daughters in wonder sometimes and cannot believe how lucky I am to have such loving, kind, clever and caring young women in my life. Parenting did not come easy to me and I was learning just as much as my daughters as they went through every stage of their lives.  I certainly wasn't the perfect mother and made mistakes along the way.  If only we were supplied with handbooks tailored for each child when they were born.  But it seems I was a better mother than I thought and while there were moments when I wished I had kept to my initial decision never to have children there was never a time when I stopped loving them.  And love them I do - fiercely.   

Possibly one of the best things my parents did was stress to me that to enter into the decision to have children was not one of whimsy.  They taught me your children come first and as a parent you are responsible for their well being and care 24/7.  Although I always say that being a mother is only part of who I am and is the not the whole of who I am, it is a role that I have taken seriously.  I fail to understand how some parents abdicate from the responsibility of parenting their children.  I could never neglect mine as it would be like neglecting myself.  After all they are part of me.  By becoming parents we must accept the responsibility that comes with the birth of each child.  And while there are times when it is hard surely the good times, and sharing the journey with your child, make it all worth while.

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.
-- Author Unknown