A Bus Novice

According to my colleagues I am a "bus novice".  Apparently this is because I chose to converse with a fellow passenger on my way home last week.  Since moving to the CBD for work I now regularly use the bus service for transport.  It has been many years since I last had to do this, so maybe I am a little naive when it comes to this form of transport.

While waiting for the bus I was approached by a man asking me which bus he should catch to get to his destination.  I suggested he wait at the same stop as there was a bus coming soon.  He then proceeded to mention he had recently returned home to Christchurch and was finding it difficult to make his way around the city.  Considering I live here and sometimes have the same problem, since the earthquake last year, it must be daunting for those who have been out of the city for a while.  My colleagues tell me my first mistake was to engage in any sort of conversation with him.

The bus arrived and he stood back to let me on.  I seated myself and before I knew it he was sitting next to me.  He did ask me if I was comfortable with this and to be honest I had no problem with it.  We continued our conversation.  I found out he was turning 50 this month, had been clean for a year (no longer drinking, drugging or smoking) after going to Wellington for treatment and had been living on the West Coast for some time.  My colleagues think this put him in the "do not talk to" basket.  I think they are naive and maybe my past interactions with people who have lead similar lives makes me more compassionate and approachable.  My colleagues would suggest I am an easy target.  But should I have ignored him because he didn't fit the respectable middle-class criteria my colleagues appear to value?  I think not.  If he had made me feel uncomfortable or scared I would have told him so and ended the conversation before it began.  Instead I had an intelligent conversation with a fellow passenger which made the journey pass very quickly.  He brightened my day and I hope I did the same for him.

Travelling by bus can never be boring as I am fascinated by my fellow travellers.  There was the young girl, with a baby, who had an extremely loud conversation with her social worker on her cell phone.  She then proceeded to tell her friend (and the whole bus) the reason she had a social worker and all about the circumstances behind her baby's birth. There was the elderly lady who carefully got off the bus with her walking frame and as we drove off I could see a single loaf of bread and a cask of wine in her basket.  Then there was the young woman trying to get on the bus with her pram and I was delighted to see other passengers getting up to hold her baby and lift her pram.  They are just a few of the people I have come across so far and I am sure there will be more that will catch my attention

My Daughters

My husband and I married having made the decision never to have children as part of our future together.  As time went on we reviewed this decision and soon we were planning for our first child.  I loved being pregnant, it was just the birthing part I wasn't so good at.  We planned for a home birth as this was the birthing scenario we felt most comfortable with.  However, our first daughter was a little reluctant to come to the party and after a three and a half day labour finally made her appearance in hospital.  They talk about the miracle of birth and it is so true.  Words can never fully describe the feelings when your child is placed on your chest and you realise you had a huge part in creating this vision of loveliness.  Although I was exhausted I will never forget these huge blue eyes calmly looking at me as if to say what was all the fuss about.

It seemed we were destined to have only one child as it was rather difficult for me to forget the labour and I certainly wasn't keen to repeat the experience.  However, as time went by the memories diminished and about 3 years later we were planning for our second child.  This time the option of home birth was out the window and I booked into a hospital.  Of course this time the labour was relatively easy and after 24 hours my second daughter entered this world.  Suddenly my worries about how could I love this child as much as the first were gone.  As I held her in my arms I realised loving this child was easy.  Our capacity to love is infinite.  Over time I came to understand that it wasn't about loving one child more than the other, it was about loving them for who they were as individuals.

Pregnancy and labour are the easier parts of becoming a parent.  It is adapting to a parenting role and making the necessary changes in your life that are harder, but what a rewarding journey it is.  I look at my daughters in wonder sometimes and cannot believe how lucky I am to have such loving, kind, clever and caring young women in my life. Parenting did not come easy to me and I was learning just as much as my daughters as they went through every stage of their lives.  I certainly wasn't the perfect mother and made mistakes along the way.  If only we were supplied with handbooks tailored for each child when they were born.  But it seems I was a better mother than I thought and while there were moments when I wished I had kept to my initial decision never to have children there was never a time when I stopped loving them.  And love them I do - fiercely.   

Possibly one of the best things my parents did was stress to me that to enter into the decision to have children was not one of whimsy.  They taught me your children come first and as a parent you are responsible for their well being and care 24/7.  Although I always say that being a mother is only part of who I am and is the not the whole of who I am, it is a role that I have taken seriously.  I fail to understand how some parents abdicate from the responsibility of parenting their children.  I could never neglect mine as it would be like neglecting myself.  After all they are part of me.  By becoming parents we must accept the responsibility that comes with the birth of each child.  And while there are times when it is hard surely the good times, and sharing the journey with your child, make it all worth while.

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.
-- Author Unknown