One Day

One day my prince will come.  Actually he has already.  Well, at least I thought he was my prince, but I now realise he was a frog all along.  Anyway that is another story.  One day my house will be repaired.  I have no idea when this will happen and part of me doesn't want to deal with it.  In fact, a big part of me.  My strategy would be to run far away from all this nightmare.  It has been 3 years since the first earthquake in September 2010 and if that had been the one and only things would not have seemed so bad.

But, of course we then had another more devastating earthquake in February 2012 and the damage to my house and land was a hell of a lot worse.  According to my insurance company my house is a repair, not a rebuild.  What a joke. My house will be lifted to replace the piles and foundations.  Sounds simple, but I am on TC3 land which means the house will be lifted higher than normally required to allow the new super strong foundations and piles to be laid.  My kitchen is to be dismantled and refitted, all the windows and doors are to be replaced.  Then there are all the internal walls that need to be repaired as well as the exterior weatherboards.  The garage and carport are to be lifted, so the concrete pads can be replaced.  Well, good luck with that as they sit under a huge tree. And these are only some of the repairs that need to be done.

Logic tells me it would be more economical to rebuild, but then what do I know. I am still here, but only just.  My life has been on hold for 3 years and I am wondering how much more I can take.  I hate my house.  I hate coming home to it and want to move on.  At this time I have no idea what moving on means to me.  Do I stay in Christchurch or do I move overseas as had been planned before September 2010?  Do I buy another property here or do I rent?  I have no answers at this time, but once my house is repaired I want to get on with living my dreams.

To Soothe My Soul

Last weekend I made the opportunity to send a couple of nights away to regain some sanity and recharge the batteries.  As I travelled to my destination I started thinking about the things that bring tranquillity to my mind and also refresh me.  Three things came to mind and on their own they all comfort me, but put them together and I have bliss.

Reading is one of these things.  I have always been a reader and libraries have been a part of my life since I was very young.  Having a mother who loved words and a small library across the road my destiny was certain to include books. I am hardly ever without one just in case there is an opportunity to read a couple of pages. There have been times when the lack of a book in a car has lead me to reading the car handbook in desperation. Curling up with a book and losing myself in a whole new world is wonderful. I forget the stresses of the day and within minutes I am relaxing. Whether I am reading for pleasure or information the printed word is beautiful to me.

Listening to music is another way to help me relax.  Music has always been a part of my life. Travelling in the family car always included singing with my sisters, and singing in church was always a favourite activity.  Looking back I feel sorry for the extended family members who had to suffer through concerts starring my sisters and myself.  When I started my own family I created a scrapbook of songs.  This scrapbook travelled everywhere with us and soon my little family was continuing the tradition of singing whenever we could.  I still have that scrapbook, minus it's cover, and maybe one day I will pass it on to continue the tradition.  My taste in music is eclectic and my mood at the time dictates  my choice.  At work it can be anything from contemporary jazz to rock. Once I am plugged in the hardest part is sitting still in my chair when all I want to do is tap my foot and move in time with the music.  Experience has shown me housework is best accompanied by music that makes you want to dance and played as loudly as possible (Alive, Linkin Park, The Feelers and Goo Goo Dolls are good choices).  Singing along relieves tension, but should probably be practiced when one has the house to oneself.  When I need time out, though, I slip away to my bedroom and play something to quieten my mind.  My choice of music depends on my needs and includes opera, meditation music, the rich tones of Dean Martin, the bluesy vocal style of Janis Joplin, the haunting tones of the saxophone, etc.  All those stress hormones are killed off as I slowly become cocooned by the music as it's way around the room.

And finally I find I am drawn to water as a way to calm me.  Not the sound of a leaky tap, but the sound of waves, rain, streams and waterfalls are soothing.  Listening to the crashing of waves on the shore while lying in bed at night is heaven.  Sitting by a fire while the rain pours down steadily is comforting.  Lying beside a stream and listening to bubbling of the water as it moves over the stony bottom is almost hypnotic. Water features try to imitate these sounds, but the best way to experience them is in their natural environment.  Maybe it was those childhood years I spent on river banks watching my father fish that nurtured this delight in the sound of water.  I really don't know. I know it quiets my mind and washes all the stress away.

So as you can imagine reading a book while listening to music with the sound of waves on the shore nearby is my idea of heaven.

Love

A little word that carries so much power, has many uses and different meanings.  It has the power to make us miserable, but also the power to evoke the greatest pleasure.  At times we use the word, love, loosely.  For example, I tell people I love reading.  Not that I like reading, but that I love it.  This  demonstrates the passion I feel when it comes to the written word. 

When it comes to people I do not use the term loosely.  I like many people, but I love only a few.  However, the love I feel for each individual differs according to their relationship with me.  My love for my mother and sisters is very different from the love I feel for my partner and daughters.  Then again the love I feel for my daughters is different from the love I feel for their father.  Maybe one of the good things about loving different people is understanding the love can be different, but just as beautiful.  I remember the worry I felt when expecting my second daughter terrified that I would not love her as much as my first child.  My love for daughter 1 seemed so big and perfect that surely I wouldn't have enough love for another child.  I did.  Love taught me that I had more than enough to go around and that I would love each daughter for who they were.  My fears of loving one more than the other were nullified.

Love means different things to different people.  Even our partners will experience love in a different way to that which we expect.  We all have different love styles, so our experience of "being in love" must differ.  For some love is based on strong sexual feelings - lots of passion and intensity.  Others take a more pragmatic view of love especially when selecting a suitable mate - a decision which requires careful consideration.  What about those who experience love as being out of control -they fall in love quickly, are impulsive and make rash decisions.  Then there are those who see love as selfless and have an overwhelming desire to take care of their partner.  Those who experience love as a game use manipulation to control their partner. Finally there are those who approach cautiously getting to know someone over time before experiencing love.  Most people will experience a blend of these styles which explains why our views on love will differ.

Given these differences in love styles it is important  to discuss a variety of topics before committing to a relationship. These topics can include such things as money and finance, careers, division of household responsibilities, children, relations with others and sex. Being in love is not enough to keep a relationship going.  It is the base for a successful relationship, but there are emotional and life skills that are necessary for a healthy marriage. Communication being one of the most important.  We need to be able to be honest in our communication and able to communicate in good times and bad.  We need to be able to show our partner our appreciation for the things they do for us.  We need to spend time together.  Even if it means scheduling this.  We need to know how our partner wants to be loved and show our love in ways they will feel loved. 

"I love you" can be so easy to say, but it is our actions behind these words that matter.  Love does not conquer all, but our actions do.  All of us want to be loved, but first we need to love ourselves.  If we don't we will never feel worthy of any one's love.  And what can be a better feeling than that of being loved and of loving another.

Winter

Living in a climate where you get to experience four distinct seasons is one aspect of living in Christchurch that I love.  My favourite two are autumn and spring, but they all have their beauty. 

Tomorrow is the officially the first day of winter and I must say this season tends to bring out the hibernation gene in me.  My instinct is to pull the covers over my head and remain in bed for the three months, but it is not a very practical solution to dealing with cold days.  Instead I have decided to relish the weather this season brings. 

Waking up on a cold frosty morning and running to the shower to immerse myself in hot water in an attempt to wake up.  Hats, gloves, scarves and gumboots are retrieved from their summer homes.  Layers of clothing are essential to keep out the chill and parts of the body that not so long ago enjoyed the summer sun are hidden from view.  The crunch of the frost beneath my feet as I walk to the bus stop trying to make sure I don't slip on the uneven surface.  Given that I am still waiting for the footpaths to be repaired I mostly walk on the road.  This has it's own dangers as for some time my street has been a detour while waste water repairs are undertaken on neighbouring roads.  Winter can also mean sheltering under an umbrella with daughter 1 as we both struggle to keep out of the rain while on our journey home.  And who can resist jumping in puddles? One of my secret joys is going home after work lighting the log burner and relaxing on the couch while watching the flickering flames dancing in the fire box.  There can be nothing better on a dreary wet weekend than watching the rain, through the windows, pour from the heavens while inside the fire is burning and keeping me warm.  Given the state of the roads in my part of the city, post earthquake, and the fallen leaves in the gutters occasionally there is flooding, so careful navigation is required whilst driving as you try to avoid hidden potholes and wet brakes.

Daughter 2 dislikes our climate intensely, especially winter, and spends the time longing for hot summer days.  However, there is one thing that make winter bearable for her and that is the possibility of snow.  One of my earlier posts tells of her snow dance which has proven successful in the past (I have been known to join her in this endeavour).  As a city we are not very prepared when it comes to snow, so a decent snowfall can bring the city to a halt and people asked to stay home.  I, too, love the snow.  Watching the flakes (or fluffies as daughter 2 calls them) fall silently to the ground is magical.  The stillness of the air and the pristine layer of white that covers everything is breathtaking.  You cannot resist going outside to admire the beauty of nature and how the snow blankets imperfections making the landscape an awesome sight.  Deciduous trees that had been left naked by autumn are now more formally covered in white like brides waiting to walk the aisle.  Of course, throwing snowballs is all part of the fun.  It is not long before your gloves are soaked and at some stage numbness creeps into your fingers and you wonder if they will ever be the same again.  The more energetic or resilient create snowmen/women.  Drawing upon their imaginations to create the best design using all manner of props.  Then it is back inside to the comfort of the fire and hot drinks feeling smug because you were brave enough to experience the chill to venture out in the first place.

So as I sit here, warmly toasted by the heat of the log burner, I vow to try hard not to complain about whatever the weather gods throw at me over the next three months.  For each season has it's own charm and brigns with it an opportunity for new experiences.